One degree

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Three new Navy ships

USS RONALD REAGAN

Well, this is awkward

That awkward moment when you find out that Dolph Lundgren is much more qualified to be called a scientist than Bill Nye.

How to respond to a request from the government

The State of Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife sent a letter to a landowner asking for permission to access a creek on his property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs. The property owners’ response is epic. Anyone who has bought and then tried to use a hunting license will appreciate this exchange.

Men at work and at play

This South African cop probably missed a few training days.

Merger tips for 2017

For all of you with any money left, be on the lookout for the next round mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some big bucks.

Benefits question

I have a very complicated benefits question:

The correct use of a rear spoiler

E-mail from God

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally retirees’ behavior that was going on.

Tough-love caution signs

Teacher’s pet

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

Passing the torch

Women as viewed by engineers

Dear Christmas Gift Recipients (former)

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan.

The talking dog

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”

Media spin

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his yacht. While they were eating, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff’s hat off, right into the water.

Survey says …

They don’t make ads the way they used to

Some oldies but goodies

It’s a sign

From the Wallingford Sign Company.